I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
