Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
