Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
