This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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