No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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