just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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