He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
