You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
