we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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