Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
