last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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