It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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