Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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