So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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