mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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