dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
