Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
