I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
