You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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