I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
