I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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