last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
