He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
