I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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