i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
