Say something about gay babies.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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