After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize