hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
