She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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