You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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