So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
