hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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