saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
