can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
