I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
