foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
