What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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