I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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