took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
