Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
