Im at strip club and am horny
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
