Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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