and you said cock pushups were impossible
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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