The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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