if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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