So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
