My hand turned me down
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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