I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
