You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
