it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
