we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
