I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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