the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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