i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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