It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
