I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
