I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
