I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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