Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize