'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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