i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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