No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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