Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
