he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
