dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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