if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My friends, they love my intelligence
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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