i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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