her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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