So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
