It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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