We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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